Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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