I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
