Farmville is her only friend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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