i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
