So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
