I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
