OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize