I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
