Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
