Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
