He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
