i don't like sucking hair
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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