Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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