It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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