are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
