naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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