I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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