i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
