His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
