My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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