I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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