I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
