hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
