Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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