I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
