Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
