Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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