Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize