My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
