I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a beard to bite.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
