his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
