I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
