I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
