just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Too much gin, very little bucket
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
