I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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