I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
whose ass print is on the piano?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
