The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
