There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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