i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
