i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
