Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
