You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize