I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
