I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
