We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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