They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
