I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
