I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
