Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Alive.
So much puke
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
