I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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