All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
