He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
