are you so shy because you have an std?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
