i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my sisters under your porch take her home
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize