the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
