Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
