Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
