Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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