I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
