i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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