My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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