I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
