Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
