Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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